Category Archives: complete rumor

LADY GAGA RUMORED TO BE EYED FOR TARANTINO ROLE

Lady Gaga Beyonce Telephone Quentin Tarantino music video

Beyonce's still waiting for her call from Tarantino.

The Daily Mirror claims that Quentin Tarantino wants Lady Gaga for a role in a future film.  Of course, this is a British tabloid story, likely based only on the fact that Gaga made a video last year which was basically a Tarantino homage co-starring Beyonce and on the coincidence that both Gaga and Tarantino are in Cannes right now.

According to the Daily Mirror today (May 12), the Pulp Fiction director is keen to meet up with Gaga at the Cannes Film Festival, where the singer performed last night. A source told the paper: “It’s no secret Quentin’s been eyeing up Gaga for a role in one of his up-and-coming films. And now they’re both in Cannes, he’s keen to show off his movie star credentials.”

Gaga is a confirmed fan of the director, having based her video for her duet with Beyonce, “Telephone”, around his Kill Bill film series.

Tarantino has recently confirmed his new film, which he has finished the script for, will be titled Django Unchained. The film will tell the story of a freed slave’s revenge against his former master. Whether this is what he had in mind for Gaga or not isn’t quite clear yet…  [via NME]

Despite this being complete tabloid gossip, it’s fun to imagine how Gaga’s big screen debut would manifest itself.  Maybe she could play a seductress who doubles as a faceless criminal in a comic book-styled pulp action thriller.  Hmm.  No, no, this is better…She’ll be a sexy, tough New Yorker who helps round out a team of professional female baseballers in a World War II era dramedy.  Nah, I got it now.  I’m tellin ya, this is the one…She’d be perfect in the lead role of a rags-to-riches biopic musical about a strong female spiritual leader in some South American country.  Is anyone in Hollywood reading this?  I’m available for work…Have your people call my people.

NOEL GALLAGHER TURNS DOWN ‘X FACTOR’ GIG, CRUSHES MY DREAMS

Noel Gallagher X Factor judge

"Ah've heard Liam queef more melodically than your bloody singing."

Noel Gallagher has turned down an offer to get paid a silly amount of money to continue doing what he has successfully been doing free-of-charge for years…hilariously ridiculing other musicians and singers.  Simon Cowell apparently offered Gallagher over 1 million pounds (roughly $1.6 million) to join the judge’s panel on the hit UK talent show “The X Factor.”

This wouldn’t normally grab my attention, but when I read that the offer included the potential to move his limey ass over to the upcoming American version down the road, I got real interested, real quick.  My god, I would tune in every week (and i mean tune in, not DVR) to watch him crush the souls of young, aspiring pop stars.  Exhibit 1,897-C…

Music mogul Simon told the former Oasis guitarist to “name his price” to fill his judging slot on the hit ITV talent show.

But Noel, 43, said he did not need the cash and wanted to focus on his music career instead – because he had “a duty” to stop brother Liam’s band Beady Eye “stinking up the bottom of the charts”.  [The Sun via NME]

The only way that panel could get more entertaining would be to have Gilbert Godfried prop up Greg Giraldo’s body between Simon and Noel and dole out judgment like a scene from Weekend at Bernie’s.

Quickies Are Fun: Wait, Wha? Edition

Cornell Settles On New Genre For The Year

I don’t know how I wasn’t already aware of this, but Chris Cornell has a new solo album Scream coming out October 14th, and it is produced by Timbaland. Fair enough. I listened to the teasers on his MySpace, and the first song is pretty good I guess, but each subsequent one deteriorates slowly into familiar Timbaland territory. Someone close to him needs to tell him that his recent trend of adding himself grumbling “eh!” into the microphone for every damn song he produces fucking sucks. Whatever. At least Cornell’s growing out his Soundgarden locks again.

Coldplay Much More Womanly Than All Expect

Giving idiots across the world one more reason to keep “Know how I know you’re gay?” as part of their regular insult rotation, Chris Martin has revealed that members of Coldplay knit clothes together, in the studio and on the road. While nothing pumps me up for a rock show quite like knitting (and I do enjoy some Coldplay), I want to punch my monitor and TV screen every time I see Martin sporting his new, douchey sleeve of multi-colored rags. Your sewing abilities suck, Martin. Stop trying to emulate another turd with a signature, dumb fashion accessory, bloated human rights campaign, and new Brian Eno sound.

Jessica Simpson Announces Flatulence, Possible Alien Pregnancy

Jessica Simpson put on another stellar show the other night in Ontario, successfully weirding the fuck out of the writer of this sweet review. The entire article is full of amazing quotables from both Simpson and the author, so do yourself a favor and check it out. I know you want to know what Jessica’s farts smell like.


Osbourne Kids Still Alive, Still Suck

Jack Osbourne is producing an Ozzy documentary, in order to repair the damage incurred by MTV’s The Osbournes. This is understandable, as, much to Jack’s chagrin, the show wrongly portrayed his bumbling, burnt-out, senile father as a bumbling, burnt-out, senile father being videotaped.

Effectively confirming his shit-for-brains, Axl Rose apparently came on to Kelly Osbourne at a laundry detergent launch party (To re-iterate the theme of this post…”Wait, wha?”). And by “came on to”, I mean “leering at and saying ‘I want to fuck you.'”. Tide certainly does work wonders.

Baby Douche Is Real

Last week, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson announced their plans to wed. I shrugged in apathy.

Monday, it was rumored she was pregnant. I asked my mommy how babies were made and what the word “coincidence” means.

Now, Wentz denies there’s something growing inside Simpson. Let’s see what he has to say…

“There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood,” he wrote. “This is all news to me. I can’t wait for the story about how I’m really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we’re engaged, that’s true, and happy about it.”

Well, I had no choice but to use my knowledge of science and movies to travel into the future and expose the truth. Based on this video footage I found of their future child, I think we can all agree on two things. It is every bit as punk rock as its mother and father, and it doesn’t quite see eye-to-eye with its father on some important issues.

Quickies Are Fun: Davy Grolton Edition

Long Road To Ruin

After kicking ass and taking names in the Grammys, it only makes sense that the Foos take on the Daytime Emmys next. Further proof that I need to party with these guys. And that my love for Karen from The Office knows no bounds.

Easy Road To Ryder

I always knew Winona Ryder got around town, but apparently sleeping with her is basically a necessity to becoming a male celebrity. Take a look at this slideshow which notches 21 men up on her bedpost…and these are only the musicians, Grohl included. This highly esteemed and well-respected top ten blog boasts 28 celebrities in total. And, of course, the always reliable NNDB links her to even more musicians, so who the hell knows what astronomical number of men have tagged her kitty to date.

Andy’s Dad

I just really wanted to post this Digital Short, and I somehow managed to pull a connection to Dave Grohl out of my ass in short order to get it included in this Quickie.

http://widgets.nbc.com/o/4727a250e66f9723/47e091951eec9318

Goddamn, The Lonely Island guys need to ditch SNL and just run with their gold material.

Alright, as you might recall, Akiva Shaffer is one third of The Lonely Island, the guys behind SNL’s Digital Shorts. He also directs music videos from time to time, and one of his masterpieces happens to be The Eagles of Death Metal’s “I Want You So Hard (Boy’s Bad News)”, as seen below. And BAM!, among his friends Jack Black and Josh Homme, Dave Grohl gets a bit part in the video. Solid Gold.

Green Day Is New And Unimproved


Green Day is making headlines this week for thinking that switching from shitty political pop-punk to shitty 60’s-rockabilly/modern-garage-rock-punk is something that I or anyone else wants to hear.

When I first heard that Green Day is rumored to have released a secret side-project with a different sound, my ears perked up a bit. They stayed up there for about 2.5 minutes until I heard the songs at which point they came rocketing back down the side of my face, drooping like those of an sad, old, golden-era cartoon dog.

Granted, it was 6:30 in the morning, and I was hardly firing on all cylinders. But like my grandmom always said, “A book is best judged by its cover and when you’re still fighting morning arousal.”

Quickies Are Fun: Edition Starring Vin Diesel and Samuel L. Jackson

Quickies indeed. All of these links appeared on GorillaMask the past couple of days, and as I discovered each, it became gut-wrenchingly difficult not to share them here.

The One You’ve (Not) All Been Waiting For

This one has very much to do with music, so I feel validated in posting it. A sex tape has been leaked which claims to involve White Stripes drummer Meg White. Her people have denied it, but it sure looks a hell of a lot like her. Couple that with the fact that she and Jack backed out of their entire remaining tour less than two weeks before the tape surfaced citing acute anxiety on Meg’s part, and it’s pretty hard not to believe it’s her.

If it is in fact her, part of me feels sorry for her, as she’s clearly shaken up by it and didn’t intend for it to be a public money-maker. Then the other part of me grabs that first other part of me by its nuts and tells it to feel no pain…pansy. She’s famous, she knows it, and she made a sex tape anyway. It got out. They always get out. Because she’s famous. Obviously.

By the way, since when does the media so readily believe a denial such as this without question? What the hell happened to the lusty, blood-thirsty vultures we’ve come to know and love?

UPDATE: This is kinda awesome.

I.Q.? More Like, “I.(li-)Q.”! LOLOL!!1!1

Dorota Rabczewska is a certified Mensa genius. The foxiest of all geniuses. And apparently a famous Polish singer known as Doda Elektroda, too. So there’s your music connection, baby!


What You All Did In Computer Class

With such categories as Water Sports, Robot, Metaphysical, Veggie, and Dinosaur, it’s hard to be let down by this collection of stellar pornographic MS Paint doodles.

Where’s the music, you ask? Well, look no further than this touching Erotic Art piece entitled “Song of My Soul’s Yearning”, then try to tell me that’s not music to your soul.