Category Archives: horseplay

TOOL CONTINUE TO BLOW MAH MINDZ

Tool Fibonacci number Lateralus Maynard James Keenan

Allow me to get the news portion of this post quickly out of the way, so I can jump right into sharing what’s got my shorts feelin’ all kinds of tight.  A Tool fansite just wrapped up its bracket-style tournament, in which fans voted for their favorite song within each match-up among the 64 seeded.  “Lateralus” came out on top, with “Third Eye,” “10,000 Days,” and “Sober” coming in second, third, and fourth places, respectively.

Antiquiet‘s got the bracket if you’re interested, along with the tipoff to a bit of trivia that is new news to me, which, as a bigger-than-average Tool fan, still managed to surprise and delight me to no end.  Are you familiar with the Fibonacci Sequence?  The almost magical sequence of numbers directly connected to the Golden Ratio which, in turn, inexplicably appears in nature in countless forms (the branching of trees, the spiral of shells, the reproductive habits of bees, etc.) and has been put to use in history-defining architecture and art?  I don’t know why I’m posing these as questions because I’d be a damn fool to ask you next if you’ve ever noticed that Tool implemented it into almost every aspect of “Lateralus.”  I’d like to think my readers aren’t that cripplingly nerdy.

Regardless, it’s true, and it’s awesome.  From the time signatures to the melodic phrasings to the lyrical content.  Check out the specifics here, and listen for yourself below.  Now that’s what I call math rock, AMIRITE?!?!  Hurr, hurr, hurr, WoooOOooo!!! ROTFL LULZ!!!1!1!!one!!1!

[via Antiquiet]

PARK HONORING JIMI HENDRIX TO BE BUILT IN SEATTLE

Jimi Hendrix Buddy Miles

"Buddy Miles, man...You gotta try my funnel cake!"

For all you Jimi Hendrix fans out there who have been clamoring to get the chance to skip across “lyrical stepping stones” in his honor, wait no more!  An existing Seattle park is being rebuilt as the Jimi Hendrix Park.

The organisers at the Jimi Hendrix Park Foundation aim to make the park a focal point for multi-cultural events for the community, which will be decorated in lyrical stepping stones, rain drums and sculptures.

Now the group behind the large-scale memorial have selected a design team to put the dream into action, who will “envision landscape and structural elements that will transform a swath of turf adjacent to the Northwest African American Museum into a living tribute to the musical genius of Seattle native Jimi Hendrix.”  [Central District News via Ultimate-Guitar.com]

The headline I saw attached to this was “Jimi Hendrix Theme Park Gets Green Light,” which was a little misleading, but, I think we can all agree, would’ve been way cooler.  Let’s pretend this really is going to be a theme park, and allow me to play the role of a stuffy, out-of-touch, white-haired corporate head brainstorming hacky ideas for attractions…

  • Tunnel of Love or Confusion
  • Haunted Castle Made of Sand
  • Room Full of Mirrors (phew!…didn’t have to do any work for that one)
  • Dolly Dagger Toss
  • Machine Gun Arcade
  • Look Over Yonder Ferris Wheel
  • “Hey Joe, Guess My Weight!”
  • I Don’t Live Tomorrow Roller Coaster
  • “Excuse Me, While I Kiss This Guy” Kissing Booth

WEIRD AL PARODIES LADY GAGA, GAGA REJECTS THEN APPROVES

Weird Al Yankovic Rambo

Gaga drew First Blood.

“Weird Al” Yankovic had some beef with Lady Gaga, and believe it or not, it wasn’t over who’s a worse dresser.  Yankovic wrote and recorded a parody of Gaga’s “Born This Way,” which she initially rejected (via her manager), much to Al’s disappointment.  His song, called “Perform This Way,” was therefore not be included on his forthcoming album, while proceeds from the release of the single and video were to go directly toward the Human Rights Campaign.  Way to be an assh*le, Gaga.  Yankovic had this to say about it on his blog…

I still don’t know specifically what kind of problem she has with the song (obviously I take a few jabs at her, but y’know, it’s satire – that’s how it’s supposed to work). And I’m especially confused as to why she waited until I actually recorded the song (at her insistence!) before saying no. It’s not like there were any surprises in the finished song that she couldn’t have foreseen by, you know, READING THE LYRICS.

A conventional release for the song and video would have also raised a nice chunk of change for the HRC – an organization which I have to assume Gaga supports. Hopefully, if fans enjoy hearing the song online, they’ll make a donation anyway.

My parodies have always fallen under what the courts call “fair use,” and this one was no different, legally allowing me to record and release it without permission. But it has always been my personal policy to get the consent of the original artist before including my parodies on any album, so of course I will respect Gaga’s wishes. However, given the circumstances, I have no problem with allowing people to hear it online, because I also have a personal policy not to completely waste my stinking time.  [via AL’S BLOG]

But as it turns out, Gaga’s manager is the real assh*le here, as he admitted shortly after Al’s release of the video onto YouTube (embedded after the cut) that he rejected the song, never having even given Gaga the chance to listen to it.

After putting my Lady Gaga parody on YouTube this morning – and announcing that it wouldn’t be on my next album because Gaga didn’t approve it – there was a huge outpouring of disappointment from the Internet.

Apparently the fact that she didn’t approve it was news to Lady Gaga herself!

Gaga’s manager has now admitted that he never forwarded my parody to Gaga – she had no idea at all. Even though we assumed that Gaga herself was the one making the decision (because, well, that’s what we were TOLD), he apparently made the decision completely on his own.

He’s sorry.

And Gaga loves the song.  [via AL’S BLOG]

It warms my heart to see two freaks work through a problem.  But seriously, it’s nice to see that Weird Al’s still out there doing his thing.  I can still very vividly remember sitting by my cassette player in my bedroom waiting for “Amish Paradise” to come on the radio, hoping that I’d clamor to press “record” in time.  Man, did I feel like an idiot when one of my housemates told me I would never hear it on the radio again and that cassettes are obsolete because it’s 2011.  Yeah, ok bro, lemme go magically (*open air quotes*) download (*close air quotes*) this song from the world wide web.  As if my AOL dial-up and 56k modem are fast enough to make that dream a reality.

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BON JOVI ROBBED, STILL OWES US ALL

Jon Bon Jovi jewelry

Authorities have not yet revealed if the boar's tooth necklace was amongst the jewelry stolen from Jovi's home.

My new personal hero was just arrested for getting caught robbing Bon Jovi’s house…

Authorities say they’ve nabbed a burglar who stole $100,000 in jewelry from Jon Bon Jovi’s New Jersey home and also robbed three of the rocker’s neighbors.

Bail has been set at $100,000 for 21-year-old Nicholas Tracy of Beachwood.

Authorities tell the Asbury Park Press of Neptune that Tracy was arrested Wednesday after police responding to a tripped burglar alarm at a Middletown Township home found him hiding in a bathroom.  [AP via Yahoo News]

Can anyone blame this guy?  He had the balls to take matters into his own hands when he realized he was tired of waiting for compensation for years of having to feign interest in sh*tty Bon Jovi songs to keep the interest of lip-syncing drunk girls at bars.  I don’t have a degree in law, but if you’re a judge that won’t accept that as a legitimate defense in court, I don’t want to be friends with you.

He’s Kinda Like The Wind


As you should have all heard and shed countless tears over by now, Patrick Swayze has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and may or may not be dying. I hate talking about dying people, so I’ll just talk as if he’s already dead.

Pat Swayze was a fantastic actor and produced some of the greatest portrayals of a dance instructor, cooler, drag queen, surfing gang leader, and pedophilic self-help guru the cinematic world has ever seen. Forget ghost, that title belongs to Bill Cosby.

Sadly, too many forget Swayze’s musical contribution to the world, “She’s Like The Wind”. A track off the Dirty Dancing soundtrack, Swayze not only co-wrote the tune, but pulled out an angelic performance that helped skyrocket it to #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 and to #1 on the Adult Contemporary chart in 1987.

We’ll miss you, Swaze. If you can hear me up there, rest easy that you’ll live on forever in Matt Miles here on Earth. At least until Matt dies. And I guess through your movies and music and shit, too. Oh, and through this awesome international fan club.