Category Archives: metal

TOOL CONTINUE TO BLOW MAH MINDZ

Tool Fibonacci number Lateralus Maynard James Keenan

Allow me to get the news portion of this post quickly out of the way, so I can jump right into sharing what’s got my shorts feelin’ all kinds of tight.  A Tool fansite just wrapped up its bracket-style tournament, in which fans voted for their favorite song within each match-up among the 64 seeded.  “Lateralus” came out on top, with “Third Eye,” “10,000 Days,” and “Sober” coming in second, third, and fourth places, respectively.

Antiquiet‘s got the bracket if you’re interested, along with the tipoff to a bit of trivia that is new news to me, which, as a bigger-than-average Tool fan, still managed to surprise and delight me to no end.  Are you familiar with the Fibonacci Sequence?  The almost magical sequence of numbers directly connected to the Golden Ratio which, in turn, inexplicably appears in nature in countless forms (the branching of trees, the spiral of shells, the reproductive habits of bees, etc.) and has been put to use in history-defining architecture and art?  I don’t know why I’m posing these as questions because I’d be a damn fool to ask you next if you’ve ever noticed that Tool implemented it into almost every aspect of “Lateralus.”  I’d like to think my readers aren’t that cripplingly nerdy.

Regardless, it’s true, and it’s awesome.  From the time signatures to the melodic phrasings to the lyrical content.  Check out the specifics here, and listen for yourself below.  Now that’s what I call math rock, AMIRITE?!?!  Hurr, hurr, hurr, WoooOOooo!!! ROTFL LULZ!!!1!1!!one!!1!

[via Antiquiet]

REBECCA BLACK ORCHESTRALLY ARRANGED

Rebecca Black For Orchestra Friday

There have been more remixes of the Rebecca Black/ARK Music Factory-created monster “Friday” than I can count (including the bad-ass death metal one that you’ve hopefully already seen), but a new one has entered the ring which takes it in a decidedly different direction: making it musically pleasing to the ears.  It’s an orchestral arrangement of the song, and it’s worth a view or listen to at least reward the composer (For Orchestra) for his, most likely, exorbitant amount of time spent listening to the track, breaking it down musically, and rebuilding it piece-by-bubblegummy-teenyboppy-piece.  May God bless his soul.

The nicest part about the video below is that you get to enjoy the piece of music as just that…music and melody, without the ear-shanking vocals that seem to defy the melodic laws of auto-tune, but with the music video footage still largely intact, enabling you to continue to laugh at the many stupid faces and ridiculous scenes you’ve come to love.

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Quickies Are Fun: Bummer Edition

This is a depressing post. I’ll try to ease you into these sad stories, so let’s go from bad to worse.

Chili Peppers Act Like Babies

Out of character for the four, usually easy-going, funk-rockers, the band has sued Showtime over their use of the term “Californication” as the title to their stellar new show which recently wrapped up its first season.

This is distressing for a number of reasons. This is the band itself coming out against the usage…not their management. Read the article for a retarded comment by Kiedis. And though they may have it copyrighted, they certainly didn’t come up with the term. It was created by some corny Oregon resident trying to keep Californians out of his state via a bumper-sticker. Really hard to believe, I know.

Also, the perfectly-titled show kicks ass, and, in many ways, acts very much as a tribute to rock n’ roll and the Chili Peppers in particular. Series title aside, the show is basically a running ad for the band with a character named Dani California and even an episode containing a narration sequence which quotes the album’s title track: “It’s the edge of the world and all of western civilization”.

Flea’s Malibu House Is Crispy

The $4.8 million home fell victim to this weekend’s wildfires. Yeah, right. Likely story, Showtime.

Jimmy Page Replaced By Old Lesbian

Here is Jimmy in 2005 receiving his Officer of the Order of the British Empire from the queen.


Here is Jimmy last week saying his finger will be fine by the Zeppelin reunion date.


Uh…wha?

Quiet Riot Singer Still Alive? Dead

Kevin DuBrow was 52. And partly responsible for the popularity of provocatively and retardedly misspelled song titles.

Hawthorne Heights Guitarist Found Dead In Tour Bus Bunk

Early reports point to acute asthma as the cause of the 25-year-old Casey Calvert’s death. Acute asthma is totally the new choking-on-your-own-vomit.

Blake Lewis Records Album

Click this link to find out who the hell Blake Lewis is. Apparently, this “Washington-born beatbox virtuoso” is “ready to catch your panties”. So look out, ladies.

Not surprisingly, this article was the only news bit in this post that brought me to tears.

Quickies Are Fun

Several music news items caught my attention this week. Here’s a quickie…

Russian Study Says Heavy Metal Is 50% Murderous, 35% Satanic, 7% Suicidal

A tasty recipe for success, if you ask me. I suspect the remaining 8% is a divided up between fist pumping, head punching, heavy drinking, rough sexin’, fireballs, dragon slaying, and catching rainbows, but the study doesn’t disclose this information. And apparently, as Rollingstone.com points out, it doesn’t disclose much else, either. Such as the bands listened to (the Russian scientists claim to have sat around listening to 700 “heavy metal” bands, which I imagine would be quite a scene), presence of ironic lyrics, or sub-genre of metal “studied”. Which I guess is kind of a big deal, what with the 1,897 dozen types of metal currently in existence (black metal, death metal, glam metal, industrial metal, nu metal, power metal, alternative metal, thrash metal, progressive metal, speed metal, metalcore, grunge, to name one of those dozens).

Zeppelin To Release Yet Another Greatest Hits Compilation

Really, guys? You really need to slap together another “Best Of” comp? You’re not doing much to convince me that Alzheimer’s hasn’t yet set in for you old farts. You seem to forget that you ceased recording new music together 27 years ago and have since officially released ELEVEN compilations, remasters, live recordings and DVDs, and any combination of the three. The only way you’re going to get me to buy another recording of ‘Whole Lotta Love’ is if it comes with footage of it being ventriloquized through the mouth of your favorite shark during his favorite pastime.

Linkin Park Are Obvious

The guy who makes noise with a guitar in Linkin Park had some earth-shattering revelations after opening for Pearl Jam recently.

“I was really blown away by what they do on stage — how organic their show is,” Delson says. “We played [with them in] Lisbon, and we were kind of high on ourselves a little bit. Then I stood on the side of the stage, watched Pearl Jam perform, and was immediately very humbled. They seriously destroyed us. I say that in the best way possible. It was like, ‘Holy crap, there’s so much room for us still to grow.”

I give this guy a lot of credit for being able to juggle his music career and his, obviously very successful, detective agency. I’ll give the gumshoe a hand and help promote his band with this rockin’ video. Must be their new single or something.

Andy McKee Is A Fox

Ok, so this is neither new nor news. And I know his YouTube videos have already been around the block quite a few times, but I’ll be damned if I ever get sick of listening to/watching this guy play. I finally got a chance to listen to his album during this post, and I can safely say I’ll be climbing into bed in a bit with a little less blood flow in my head, if you know what I mean.

Hair Metal Is So Emo

James Montgomery wrote a Pulitzer Prize-winning article on MTV News last week, comparing today’s emo punk music scene to the hair metal craze of two decades ago. My favorite quote? Well, it’s actually a referenced excerpt from a New York Post article by Maureen Callahan.

Much like Lou Pearlman – the crooked impresario who created and controlled the ubiquitous boy bands of the mid- to late ’90s – the guys behind Crush [Management] have successfully marketed a critically dismissed, yet commercially successful, stable of cute boy bands to timid teenage girls not yet ready for real rebellion.

Along with the not-so-alarming similarities such as commercial success, critical failure, and cookie-cutter hairstyles, Montgomery rightfully points out that the Guns N’ Roses and KISSes of the emo punk genre do exist–the bands that will most likely transcend the craze and emerge as respectable acts. Though I cringe that he threw Fall Out Boy into that pile, I have no problem admitting that I occasionally indulge in some of these bands that I think do actually have something lasting in their music. Speaking of that turd factory, even its Pied Piper of emos himself, Pete Wentz, realizes that the end is near for his little niche.

While some punk rock fans have accused Wentz of selling out, the 28-year-old artist said that he’s preparing for a time when Fall Out Boy is no longer popular, explaining, “The culture of Fall Out Boy won’t be there forever, so you find what you want to do between now and then.”

At least he admits that he knows what he does will be fleeting and, at the same time, basically reveals that he has no desire to make timeless music–extraordinary songs that will stand the test of time. But for every one of him in the genre, there are 1,200 more who take themselves completely seriously and believe that they will be selling out MSG in their seventies while their grandchildren’s peers clamor to get their hands on their latest greatest hits compilation at Best Buy. Ugh.

Thank you, James Montgomery, for expressing this sentiment in this little diddy after reading Callahan’s article. But no thanks goes to you, sir, for stealing the words right out of my very mouth. If I had only known that you were hiding behind Mrs. Arena’s curtains two and a half years ago, with a pen and a pencil, feverishly jotting down every word I spoke to my friend about this “Second Coming” of hair metal, we would have had a stern talking-to, you and I. Oh, a stern talking-to, indeed.